Overjoyed

    Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Thinking about my own loss in the past brings me sadness but I then see the miracle that is right before me. As Miss G bops around with her toys  I listen to her little babbles, her laughter, and also her occassional whines as she makes sure Mommy is still there.

    As I observe her I think back to the day when I was given a most grim diagnosis. The doctors told me such awful news with no hope at all for her future. I also remember the moment the doctors both apologized over and over that it was too far along for me to abort and they wished there was something they could do. Abort? What! I am in tears at the simple thought of those words. "You really have no hope for my daughter" I had asked numerous times and each time in so many words their answer was "no". "How could they tell me such a thing, could it really be that there's no hope for my unborn child" I thought over and over. Perhaps we were to have found out  Gabriella's diagnoses prior to that "cut off" date my choice never would have been different from the one those doctors felt I was "stuck" in. I would have given her a chance to show us what she's made of with or without the option of "aborting".

     So as I watch my amazing, incredible, miraculous little girl I send a little prayer up. I say little because He has answered such huge prayers already in our lives. But with this prayer I give much thanks because I was instilled with such morals and beliefs that I know no matter what when it came to or continues to come to my daughter I will always know what to do! She may be a bit weaker than some babies and her eyes may not be as "good" as others and her brain may have some "imperfections" to the eyes of others but I know that she is PERFECT! At times when others had no hope I have always had nothing less. I was however, so afraid before her arrival but now I am no longer. She will do things on her own time and she will continue to prove everyone else around her who has doubted her wrong!

    And with my own personal situation with my daughter I think of all the angels that left us too soon. All the wonderful little babies who lost their battle with the same diagnoses Gabby was initially given. I pray for them and for their family. And whether they lived 3 years or just 3 days they were tiny little miracles just the same!!



 

Happy, Sad, Happy Kind of Day

    Its been a while since I have updated so I thought perhaps today that I should. Life has been of course pretty busy with holidays coming, Gabriella's many doctor appointments and physical therapy sessions. A couple of weeks ago we went to see an eye doctor for miss Gabby. Of course I was a bit nervous as to what he would find but I kept positive.

     Upon examination the doctor informed me of what I feared most, there was optic nerve damage. Your optic nerves of the eyes are what sends signals to and from your brain of what you are seeing. Gabriella's are damaged from the bleed that occurred in utero. I had so badly hoped prior to our appointment that what I feared wasn't reality but it is. Thats the sad news but as the exam progressed he informed me some great news; Gabriella is not blind nor is she "legally blind". She can see and that is very evident to us :) As for how FAR or well she can actually she (as in 20/20 20/40 etc) he cannot determine until she is much older and able to read an eye exam chart. And then, MORE GOOD NEWS.. He said he believes in cord blood infusions (which we have already had the one) and is axious to see how Gabby does after her next two. The doctor said he believes the infuisons will continue to help to repair her eyes and that he has sent patients for these same procedures before.

    So needless to say it was a mixed emotion day but I left that appointment with the same amount of hope and excitement for my little girl as I have always had even since the very first diagnosis while she was in utero. She's amazing and I know she will forever remain that way :)