More Frustration!!

So waiting until the 29th of February to deliver my little precious baby isn't bad I am ok with it especially if it means her lungs will be strong! And just when I thought things could not possibly get any more frustrating my doctor's office called me this morning stating there was a conflict to be delivered by MY OB on wednesday! So my choices were either wait until Friday and have my OB deliver me or allow one of his colleagues deliver me, one in which I have never met or even seen! I want Gabriella to get her surgery ASAP and its super frustrating to keep waiting so I just said forget it I will let a colleague do it. Someone online told me if he can cut and sew then thats all that matters lol. She's right. The receptionist in the office said the OB that will deliver me is great and he's a senior partner so if she had to choose she'd go with him. So thats what I am doing. Trusting a stranger to cut my open and take out my little princess. God will be with me so I know Im still in good hands! Cannot wait for February 29th!!  It will be a huge relief to finally meet little miss Gabriella!!

 

This is one of my very first ultrasounds of my little munchkin!

Letter to my little munchkin

Dear Miss Gabriella Lena Grace Mommy loves you more than you could ever know!! I pray that God keeps you close and watches over you now and forever! There are so many things I want to say to you and so much that I want to teach you, maybe I'm just being impatient but boy do I want to meet you even as I sit here and write this to you! I want you to know I will do all that I can to protect you and guide you to the best of my ability! I would give my life for you and I haven't even met you yet :) and although I have not yet met you, I am already 100% and completely in love with you and have never felt a love like this! I thank God every single day for blessing me with you!! I love you and I pray you are here in my arms on the 29th! I am anxiously awaiting as is everyone in the family!! We love you little one! Love Always and Forever!!! Mommy!

Amnio results/C section postponed

What a crazy past couple of days! Yesterday was my amniocentesis. I had an ultrasound prior to the amnio for growth of the baby and to check her ventricles. As of yesterday her ventricles are measuring at approximately 24mm and 27mm which is actually smaller than the last measurement of 32mm and 28mm! Her head circumference is measuring right now at almost 35cm which is measuring at a few weeks ahead of her gestation but hey we are right here at the end so I am thankful that her head is not larger because that is extremely common with this diagnosis! Her vents have REALLY appeared to have stabalized and I am totally happy with this! Also another great find is that she is measuring to be about 7.3Ibs!!! We have a little friendly betting going on with family and friends as to how big and how long she will be. I was 10 pounds and 22 inches long at birth so I thought for sure she'd be way bigger than her tiny 7 pounds :)

Ok so how does an amnio feel.. hmmm.. well the anticipation was AWFUL! After the ultrasound the tech went to go find the doctor so he could look over the pictures and then perform the amnio. As I am sitting in the room with my mom waiting for the doctor to come in I am basically FORCED to stare at the bedside table FULL of instruments neccessary for the amnio!! There was iodine, alcohol, blue drapes, lidocaine, and a HUGE needle. So the was getting a little anxious. The doctor FINALLY came into the room and I was like a geeky nervous kid lol. He shook my hand and before he could say anything I was giggling nervously saying "Im really scared". They found a nice pocket of fluid with the ultrasound, wiped the blue gel off my belly and began setting up. The doctor cleaned my belly, covered it with iodine and placed the ultrasound probe into a glove so that he didn't get any gel on my belly. He bounced his finger on my stomach where the u/s probe was to make sure it was a good pocket of fluid and a good spot for him to place the needle. I watched him take the needle out of the package, I gasped, turned my head and covered my eyes (I was so scared!!). I felt the needle go into my uterus quickly, "hmm not so bad" I said to myself. It was a little uncomfortable when he pushed the needle a little further and while he connected the little plunger to withdraw the fluid from Gabriella's amniotic sac. All of a sudden the weirdest feeling and what felt like a tightening in that one spot of my belly was beginning to happen as he pulled back the plunger. It felt like a contraction in that one area, not very painful but very uncomfortable and a strange feeling. What felt like 10 minutes only 30 seconds had passed and we were done. He showed me the fluid and said that it looked good by sight because it was cloudy. He said the cloudier it is the more mature the lungs will be. For the next 45 minutes I was hooked up for a non stress test to make sure I was not going to go into labor. Everything was good I was just waiting for results at this point which would take about an hour for the rapid results. They were looking for a number of 35,000 for the c section to be able to happen the following morning. About an hour went by and the phone rang. "Sorry but the amnio was immature, we have to send it for the next test which will take until 6pm tonight your doctor will call you" said the nurse on the other end of the phone. UGH!!! Immature? Longer waiting? Ok I will just stay busy until the call. With hope of her maturity being found in this next test I waited for the phone to ring. Unfortunately when it rang it was my OB stating the lungs are in fact immature and we would not be delivering the next day :(. So here I am, delivery date here and no baby yet :( My new plan is now ANOTHER amnio on Tuesday February 28th and if lungs are good then delivery on the 29th. February 29th is a leap year this year and ironically also my mom's birthday! I definitely wouldn't mind the 29th being Gabby's birthday so now onto waiting for next week and praying all the lung maturity is GREAT and we can deliver Wednesday! IM SO READY TO MEET MY LITTLE GIRL!! But I had asked God to make sure she is healthy and I guess He is doing just that :) I am so blessed and I cannot wait until next week!

On a lighter note this afternoon my mom and I went and took maternity pics :) Im trying to enjoy my last week of being pregnant the best way that I can!

From the beginning to a new one!

February 19, 2012:



This is my first entry here on this site.. Tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant. February 22nd I will be going in for a c-section to finally be able to my little munchkin: Miss Gabriella Lena Grace!! I am beyond excited but let me just say I am also EXTREMELY nervous!! This is my first child so I have no idea what I am in store for and on top of all of the general "new knowledge" I will develop in being a new mom, my little girl has been diagnosed with hydrocephalus due to aqueductal stenosis. Ok so you may not know what hydrocephalus is trust me I had no idea what it was when the doctors had delivered the news! Let me go back a little bit.


 In 2007 when I was 19 I had a miscarriage and goodness was it a devastating blow!! At that time yes I was young but I was surely happy that I had a little baby boy or girl growing inside of me. I went to the doctors for a regular first visit. The doctors office gave me a bag of "goodies" with baby magazines and coupons. My mom and me sat in the office waiting for the doctor to come in and looked at all the things in the bag. The doctor came in and told me that my hormone levels were not doubling the way they should have been. We had had an ultrasound and it showed there was no "fetal pull/growth" there was only what they could see as a sac, but that it was still early on. I was informed that I would most likely have a miscarriage and if not they may have to medically remove from my uterus the little being that I had become excited about already!! I was naive back then and thought nothing of it really. I went about my life and worked and still was excited that I was pregnant. One day at work I began to spot and immediately went to the ER with my greatest support of all; my mother. "Threatening a miscarriage" was what I was told was going on. The ER doctor told me to go home and put my legs up, if the bleeding stopped then I should be ok. IT STOPPED! This was great news! The anxiety wore off a little and I went back to work a few days later. I had regular pregnancy exhaustion and wasn't feeling all that well. The basics in early pregnancy. About a week and a half later I went to work at a nursing home I was employed at working as a CNA. I had some mild cramping and of course had to pee as that had been a common occurrance at this point. I noticed a lot of blood! This was more than spotting! I went home and put my legs up hoping it would work again. It didn't. Extreme pain set in as my body began the process of miscarrying my baby. I kept going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet as the gravity actually made me feel better. Unfortunately this is where I would fully lose the baby; sitting on the toilet. I saw it and it was beyond devastating! I went to the ER immediately and they confirmed yes, I had lost the baby. I was a couple months pregnant and completely devastated! After that day a world of depression set in and for a while I spiralled out of control attempting to forget the pain I felt in my mind, in my heart, and deep within me! I had never experienced something so heart breaking at that point in my life. But things happen for a reason and it was out of my control. Even though I knew this it did not make it at all any easier to handle or deal with so until this year I did just that; didn't deal with it! Little did I know it would eventually help mold me into a very strong young woman.


JULY 2012


In July of this year I found out I was pregnant!! It was totally unplanned but I was not at all too upset over the idea of becoming a mommy! :) My dream that was crushed so many years before was finally coming to a reality! However, due to that loss I was very nervous. I went and had an ultrasound at planned parenthood and they said they could see growth and from what they saw at that point things looked good. I was 5 weeks.


I passed the 3 month mark and entered my second trimester; safety zone. My risk of having a miscarriage at this point was very much lower than in the beginning. The baby was still in me and this is when I became much more excited.


Things was going well in my pregnancy for the most part. The baby was growing beautifully and all my tests were showing great results.


GESTATIONAL DIABETES


Well this was a pretty annoying diagnosis for myself! I failed the basic one hour glucose test to test for gestational diabetes and was sent for a 3 hour glucose test. During this 3 hour test I could not eat anything from the night before until after my test. I was given a little bottle of what tasted like orange soda with much more sugar content in it. Let me just stress that I HATE SWEETS!! And I HATE SUGAR! So drinking this "soda" was AWFUL but I did it! The results came back and I passed by the skin of my teeth. About a month after the doctors noticed I was gaining quite a bit of weight and was having TONS of swelling. The weight gain plus the fluid retention was putting terrible pressure on my hips and back and was starting to have a hard time at work. The doctor wanted to be safe so they sent me for ANOTHER 3 hour fasting glucose test. UGH! I was NOT a happy camper! Results: FAILED! Great now I have gestational diabetes. The diabetes management center was nice, they showed me how to follow a strict diet and the ins and outs of what to eat and what not to eat. I was doing well with the diet and it showed in my 4 times a day sugars I was having to monitor by a glucose monitor. My fasting blood sugars however were a little too high still so lucky me I was put on insulin. Long story short as hormones begin to increase rapidly my body needs more insulin to accommodate the baby and my body was not producing enough. I started on a tiny dose of 5 units of insulin. As I gradually had to go up every week I am currently on 30 units of insulin everyday at bedtime only. Good thing is that once I deliver the diabetes will go away. :)


ITS A GIRL!


WOO HOO! I was told its a girl. Every few weeks I have to go in for a growth ultrasound to make sure the baby isn't growing too big because women with gestational diabetes tend to have pretty large babies. This little girl was pretty much on track! :) A little girl... wow! I was so excited about the news. My mom, my best friend, and my cousin were all there when I got the great news! My best friend and cousin are the baby's godmothers and I couldn't have made a better choice! So exciting that now I could start going out and buying everything pink that I saw lol.


Things continued to go well. Diabetes was being watched, the baby was growing great! I was put out of work due to siatica in which the baby was sitting on my siatic nerve causing me to basically feel almost paralyzed at times. Boy was it painful!


ROUTINE 31 WEEK SCAN FOR GROWTH TURNS INTO DEVASTATION!!


I loved my every few week growth scans to watch the baby because I got a sneak peak of her :) I loved seeing her little feet and toes! I got to see great views of her face by ultrasound as well! I had my aunt with me as we sat and watched the Ultrasound tech view the baby and show us her different body parts! She printed out a picture and told me the baby has a lot of hair! Usually I see the ultrasound tech and when done I am able to just leave after making my following appointment. Instead this day was different! The tech gave me the picture of the baby's face she had printed and told me I needed to have a seat in the waiting area so that the doctor could review the ultrasound images. Something was not right I could feel it. A nurse called my name and proceeded to bring me into a patient room. I looked at my aunt and said "Something is not right, they don't normally do this!" Why do I need to see a doctor I thought. The doctor came in and had that look to her face when you know someone has some bad news. She asked me how I was feeling and how I was doing now that I was out of work. Ok shut up and just tell me already I thought to myself. She sat down in front of me and my aunt and said, "We all have fluid in our brains that is normal however, your daughter has too much. The ventricles in her brain are measuring too big as well" I asked many questions like will she die, and what does this mean etc. The doctor could tell me NOTHING except that they would be sending me to specialized doctors to deal with situations like this at Uconn medical center in Farmington. I would be having a level II ultrasound so that the doctors there can measure the fluid better and to measure the size of her ventricles.


Level II Ultrasound


I went to the level II ultrasound at Uconn Medical Center in Farmington, CT. I was praying that they would see it was all just a big mistake and that there was in fact nothing wrong with my little girl. Unfortunately I would not be told that news. They measured the ventricles which were approximately 18mm and 25mm, (on the high end of normal the ventricles should not measure past 10mm.) The high risk doctors there told me that my baby has hydrocephalus. They said it is a severe case. Hydrocephalus is a build up in the brain of cerebral spinal fluid that puts dangerous and at times damaging pressure on the brain. Cases can be mild and severe. The biggest upset with this diagnosis is the doctors will not be able to accurately give you a certainty of prognosis until after the baby is born and development begins to takes place. Then the doctors just kept saying they were sorry about 25 times and proceeded to tell me that my little precious baby would most likely either a. Die in utero or b. have severe mental handicaps but there would be know way to know the extent until she was born! I was beyond upset! I went home with my mom and dad that day feeling completely defeated and feeling almost numb as though I was in shock! I went and googled until I couldn't goodle any more. Let me just point out that when you google any type of disease or illness you generally will find some TERRIBLE situations that come out of the situation so maybe sometimes its not the best thing to do.


DUKE MEDICAL!


Googling as I said wil give you all sorts of scary things but searching all sorts of sites brought me to one  www.fetalhydrocephalus.com On this site I learned the amazing studies about cord blood and how reinfusing it back into the baby within the first couple of months after birth can actually help to REPAIR any brain damage caused by the hydrocephalus. Also on this site it gives great success stories and tries to explain hydrocephalus the best way possible while still giving hope to its readers, (something many doctors apparently were not taught in medical school!) I called Duke and spoke to the medical assistant and she immediately took my information and sent out a cord blood kit within those next couple of weeks. A few weeks after the baby is born my family and I will be going to North Carolina to visit Duke Medical and give my little munchkin this amazing opportunity that could ultimately repair her delicate little brain.


MORE AND MORE TESTS


After being told my little girl would most likely be severely mentally handicapped I went and bought some simple toys that hopefully she'd be able to do if perhaps she were disabled. I also decided that God gave me this precious life growing inside my belly and regardless of how she came out she would be 100% perfect and I would do all that I can for her to ensure she has a good life!


I had an infection panel done because sometimes certain infections can affect unborn baby and can cause hydrocephalus; fortunately my tests were negative. I refused to allow them to do an amniocentesis where they take a long needle, insert it into the baby's amniotic sac to withdraw fluid and test for genetic anomilies. At that point I was 32 weeks and did not want to take the chance of going into labor early because of the amnio. My thoughts were I needed my little one to get as strong as she could inside of me because it would obviously be a struggle right out into the world. Ultrasound measurements were showing an increase in the fluid however, not extreme :) Finally some decent news. We knew what she had and that it would get worse, so for it to only increase a little was GREAT! I made the decision to transfer to a doctor with Hartford Hospital because Gabriella's neurosurgeon, who is a neurosurgeon/pediatrician at Children's Medical Center is connected to that hospital. Therefore, when I do give birth I will not be seperated from Gabby!! Weeks went by and the fluid was still just slightly increasing!! YAY! Head circumference was approximately 35cm last week (2/17/2012) This is a little larger yes but not EXTREME as it can sometimes become!


CHILDRENS MEDICAL


During all of these tests and ultrasounds, Diabetes management, twice weekly non stress tests to watch the baby's heart rate, and growth scans I managed to fit in time to finally meet Gabriella's neurosurgeon. I had no idea what he would give me for devastating news because I just felt like doctors had no idea how to have hope. This was just the opposite! HE WAS AMAZING! He told me the baby has a blockage in her third ventricle causing the back up of spinal fluid in her brain. He said she would most like be a normal little girl except that she would have to have a shunt placed at birth. A shunt in simplest of explanations is a small tube inserted into the ventricle and tracked under the skin into the belly. The extra fluid will travel through that tube and the belly with digest it. He told me they see great success with this procedure and he has done them so many times its basically routine for him. Also I was told that Childrens Medical of Hartford has one of the lowest infections rates in the country! This made me feel great! Things were really starting to look up.


NEW OB


I went to meet the man who would be delivering little Gabriella and he's great. I feel very comfortable with him and he's very aware of her situation and has seen it before. We decided finally on a date of deivery. Due date is March 12, 2012 however I will be delivering on February 22, 2012 at 830am as long as her amnio the day prior shows her lungs are good and mature! FINALLY! I will have some sort of idea of when I can meet my little peanut!! God is good and He is showing me through this entire situation!